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Richard Crowson Commentary

Crowson: 2020 Predictions

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Richard Crowson
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Here’s my prediction for Wichita in 2020:

A successful petition drive will put saving Century II on the ballot and, thanks to Russian hackers, it will appear to have failed by a narrow margin. 

A demolition crew will stand the building up on end and just as they are about to roll it into the Arkansas River, Kris Kobach will drive by in his parade jeep with the machine gun on it. A severe pot hole will cause the gun to accidentally open fire, blasting a large hole in the center of Century II. The round building, still standing on its edge, will now closely resemble a giant donut.

Several construction workers standing with their posteriors towards the precariously perched donut behemoth, will have just had a delicious meal from one of our many Wichita food trucks, Bonita’s Bean Burrito Bandwagon. Simultaneously, the workers will all experience a “wind surge.”

The powerful gust will set the big round Century II donut on a slow roll, splashing down into the murky water, still standing on edge. The sight of a giant donut, partially lodged in the brown liquid of our dear Arkansas River, will put everyone in mind of a donut dunked in coffee.

The Guinness Book of World Records will attach the phrase, “Wichita, Kansas, home of the world’s largest dunked donut” to our fair city. Throngs of tourists will burst our city’s coffers to overflowing with their dollars. Our performing arts community will enjoy an ultra-modern, new facility built along the Arkansas, financed by the increased revenue that our big round donut and our coffee-tinted river have made available. Preservation and innovation with minimum taxation achieved, Wichita!