Crowson: Do We Really Need A 'Space Force'?

Jun 12, 2019

Credit Richard Crowson

Do we really need a “Space Force”? Extremely Stable Genius Donald Trump seems to think so, and that should be good enough for most of us.

Trump may just know more than he lets on. There’s been a theory for many years that our presidents, upon taking office, are soon shuffled off into private quarters where they are told some extremely stable secrets.

Me? I’m not so sure presidents themselves are always told the truth. Some think that there is a “breakaway civilization” that’s really in control and has access to all sorts of advanced technology that’s been reverse-engineered from alien contraptions that crashed, probably shot down by us. And those aliens are really hacked off at us about the whole Roswell-Area 51 thing. A mere president may be too low on the totem pole to be informed about all this.

But! We’ve never had an Extremely Stable Genius president before! I assume he threatened the breakaway civilization with tariffs if they didn’t let him in on the secret aliens. Since tariffs always work, they quaked with fear and told him what’s really going on. He came up with the Space Force to protect us all.

The Space Force Corps of Engineers, I assume, will commence building a gigantic wall around the earth to keep aliens away. So let’s get moving! That way when the Fourth of July comes around, we’ll all be celebrating our Extremely Stable Genius President’s Space Force of July! And may the Space Force be with you.