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Richard Crowson Commentary

Can I Interest You In A Vomeronasal Organ Implant?

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Joe Penniston, flickr Creative Commons
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Been reading an excellent book about dogs. It’s titled “The Inside of Dogs,” and is by Alexandra Horowitz. Among the many intriguing aspects of our canine friends covered in the book, is this one: Dogs have an extra organ that sits above the roof of the mouth and along the floor of the nose. It’s called the vomeronasal organ. It contains receptors for molecules of scents. By some estimates, dogs have a sense of smell that may be over a million times greater than ours.

Their vomeronasal organs give dogs a huge advantage over us humans. They can detect fear, sadness, anxiety and even diseases like cancer and the approach of an epileptic seizure. Vomeronasal organs help them know pretty much everything about us – where we’ve been, what we were doing and what we’re about to do.

That’s why I am proposing a mass movement to get canine vomeronasal organs transplanted into Kansan human beings. (Hopefully with modern technology we can grow the vomeronasal organs in the laboratory so no dogs have to be harmed in the harvesting of them.)

People with vomeronasal organs can then improve our Kansas economic, educational and political futures by simply lining up candidates for public office and smelling them. That way we will know which candidates are fearful of education, of welfare recipients, the disabled, artists, science, of immigrants, of sensible gun laws, of good highways, of Medicaid, Medicare and fiscal responsibility.

So let’s all work to get canine vomeronasal organ implants. That way we’ll keep Kansas politicians who want to wee-wee on the rest of us, out of political office.