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'Common Core Commonism'

Alberto G, flickr Creative Commons

What we got to do, is we got to nip Commonism in the bud. And by “Commonism” what I mean is Common Core. Common Core is Commonism.

We didn’t have no Commonism when me and all them other Kansans got our learning. And just look at what a bang-up job we done! Our smartness done made this state we got here into a sort of compost pile that attracts the bestest and the most brightest.

Look no further than Topeka to see what sort of fine, razor-sharp minds this here state done elevated to the top. You think if we keep on with Common Core Commonism, we’re going to gradgiate voters who’ll keep on electing the bestest and the most brightest???

Duh! No they will not. Commonism teaches young ‘uns to be something called “critical thinkers.” But what we need more of is uncritical thinkers. We need voters who won’t waste time questioning things. Like when they’re told that Common Core Commonism is full of porno smut. Like when they’re told that Commonism done come from the satanic federal gubment. Like when they’re told that Commonism is one-size-fits all.

And did you ever notice how so many of them Common Core Commonists who defend their Commonism the loudest are all edgycators theyselves??? Like we’re going to trust experts on a subject to know that subject better’n the rest of us??? Brother.

Let’s improve our dumbocracy even more by outlawing Common Core Commonism. Oh, heck, let’s just outlaw edgycation altogether. Them experts don’t know nothing compared to Kansas bestest and most brightest!

Richard Crowson is not only a editorial commentator for KMUW. He's also a cartoonist, an artist and a banjo player.