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Richard Crowson Commentary

Richard Crowson: Are You Ready For Some Footblimp?

Crowson self portrait_19.jpg

Hey, the referees are back! Which is a mighty big deal in some circles.  Personally, I’m more of a baseball fan. Football – not so much.

I don’t even understand how they can call that weird oblong object with shoelaces on it a “ball.” Aren’t balls round? Shouldn’t footballs be called blimps? Why didn’t they call the game “footblimp” instead of pretending they actually play it with a ball?

Anyway, everybody seems to be delighted with the return of the footblimp referees and I guess that’s a good thing. My attitude toward football has always been that I am so glad it’s out there for all those millions of boisterous people who clearly crave an outlet for their energies. They seem to need a reason to put on face paint. It’s hard to see any other cause that could warrant face painting.

Food preferences? Could sushi lovers paint seaweed and squid on their faces? Thai food enthusiasts draw flames on their cheeks? I’m crazy for pulled pork barbecue but I guess I’d draw the line at hogs on my forehead. Vegetarians could draw broccoli on their faces. For that matter, fanatical bread fans could just stick with WuShock – he is a shock of wheat, after all.

Religion might be a possibility…we Methodists already do a little face painting during Lent, what with the ash on our foreheads, and Tim Tebow’s been doing the Bible verse facepaint for years. I guess a Buddha on a cheek might work almost as well as a K-State Powercat or a Jayhawk.

But back to my point about the (unionized!) referees returning to the football field: I do find myself wondering how some Republicans can embrace their return. After all, it was their candidate Mitt Romney who said, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers!” Isn’t that what a referee is – a fact checker? And why are unions ok on the sports field but nowhere else?

Anyway, welcome back, refs! Are you ready for some footblimp?