Richard Crowson: Merry Christmas! Have A Phone Book!

Nov 27, 2009

One thing I’m betting you are not asking Santa for this year is a telephone book.

Yet another unrequested phone book was delivered to my front porch the other day. I dutifully brought it in and opened the cabinet door to the area where we store them to add it to the collection. It was hours later before the avalanche rescue team found me beneath the huge pile of phone books that had tumbled out of that cabinet and buried me.

How many telephone books does a person need? I can’t even remember the last time I actually looked up a number in a phone book. Like most people, I use the internet to find phone numbers these days, when I’m not emailing. Ironically, as the need for phone books diminishes we seem to get more of them than ever before.

Are there any trees left on the face of the earth after the last few weeks of phone-book mania? I envision scouting parties from telephone-book companies fanning out across the nation in an effort to discover more trees to chop down and pulp into yet more phone books.

Hey, this Christmas, consider going really green. Instead of putting a beautiful fir or spruce tree in your family room, why not take all those phone books you’re collecting, pile them up into a tall pyramid shape, and decorate them for the holidays!

Ooops. Gotta go. I just heard another elf drop another phone book on my front porch.