For Brittany Means, childhood was a blur of highways, trauma and a complex web of family and friends who helped her survive it all. Means is only 30 years old, but her memoir, “Hell If We Don’t Change Our Ways,” offers the strength and maturity of a much more seasoned writer.
The book centers on the author’s relationship with her mother, who struggled with addiction and abusive relationships. Early on, Means learns that she is the result of a sexual assault by a man of unknown heritage, and that tragic mystery sets the stage for a lifetime of pain and self-doubt.
Her mother would often leave town in the middle of the night — sometimes taking Brittany with her, and sometimes not. When the girl went along, she’d watch the world go by from the passenger’s seat, and ask her mother where they were headed next. The book’s title comes from the mother’s frequent response: “Hell if we don’t change our ways.”
If she wasn’t sleeping in the car or a roadside motel, Means lived with her grandparents in rural Indiana. There, she experienced Pentecostal culture and the tension of adults who believed fiercely in heaven, hell and corporal punishment. Despite everything, she forms a loving and lasting bond with her younger brother, and a forgiving mindset toward so many grownups who treated them with cruelty.
This is certainly not an enjoyable read, as it deals with sexual and physical abuse, neglect and addiction. Readers troubled by those topics should tread carefully. But similar to “The Glass Castle” or “Educated,” this memoir shows a young woman overcoming horrific experiences and sharing with others so they feel less alone.
