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Let's Shake, Rattle And Roll With These Earthquakes

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Richard Crowson
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Woo hoo! Roll over, Beethoven! Tell Tchaikovsky the news! Rock and roll is here to stay! And by “rock and roll,” I mean earthquakes.

Kansas Geological Survey representatives recently testified at a legislative hearing. They said it’s not the fracking, it's the reinjecting of salty wastewater from the oil and gas drilling process into the earth. In other words, it’s not the frack, it’s the brack--brackish water injection.

Hooray! Fracking’s not the problem! It’s wastewater injection, that’s all. Yes, it has to do with the increase in oil and gas drilling that fracking has brought about. That’s because more drilling means more wastewater to be injected. But, let’s not connect those dots. Let’s just think about the dotted lines on which we sign away drilling rights. And let’s not connect any dots between Kansas’ dwindling Ogallala aquifer and wastewater injection into the earth. Hey – it’s hard to draw straight lines connecting dots when the earth you’re standing on is shaking so much.

Let’s just roll with it! I paid $1.69 a gallon to fill up yesterday! Sure, it took me a while to get the pump nozzle into my gas tank, the tremors shaking things like they were. But, hey! $1.69!

Earthquakes aren’t so bad. When the earth rocks, bowling scores go up! Raking gets easier because leaves fall off the trees all at once! More foundation cracks lead to better basement ventilation! And isn’t it sweet how babies sleep so well when they’re rocked to and fro by the undulating ground? In fact, we all get lulled into a drowsy state of acceptance of little things like earthquakes. Especially when gas is inexpensive. It’s rock and roll, folks. Rock with the quake while you roll with a full tank of cheap gas. Who needs those pesky dots?